I'm not that Catholic.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Spouse was married before me. And for a while. He was married by a priest the first time. And although he has since had a legal divorce, and has legally been remarried to me, the Catholic church has a little bit different way of looking at things. They believe that in order to get a divorce there needs to be sufficient reasoning behind it. A cheating spouse will suffice. And there you have it. So he was free to get the divorce, and to dissolve a Catholic marriage, you have to go through the proper channels. It's very very complicated. But it's called an annullment. Paperwork must be filed, and you have to have witnesses. The catholic church then mails out these forms to the ex-spouse, the witnesses and then waits to see what their response is. We were told that no matter what their responses are, they will side with the person who wants the annullment. Most times. Especially given the reasons that he has supplied. Even if ex-spouse were to spout off her filthy and deranged mouth, they would truly see the kind of person she is, or they would see how she failed to respond if she chose to do that. Whatever. We were told that the process could take up to 2 years. But most times it takes about 1 year.

I told spouse that I would like for him to do it. It bothers me. I am Catholic. Born and raised. But not strictly. Somewhere in my younger days, we just kind of stopped going to church. But I still believed. I still don't go to church to this day, but I'm a praying kind of girl.

As recently as when my first born child was small, I wanted to start going to church again. For my child. Well, I wanted to complete my religious training so to speak. I had not yet been confirmed by the catholic church. Another process. But you go to a Sunday group at church and talk about the religion, that kind of thing. Well as it turns out, I can't even do that. Because I have been married, but the Catholic faith doesn't recognize my marriage, since my spouse has not had an annullment to dissolve his first marriage.

I told him that. He seems unbothered. I guess he doesn't want to go through the hassles. It is a hassle. But aren't I worth it?

Do you know what he told me?

We were talking about the whole process and I was trying to get him to go ahead with it, and he was spouting off some crap about how it was going to be a long process or something else insignificant that I can't recall right now. But he said to me, "Honestly, You're not that Catholic."

So this shouldn't matter to me that much right? The words still sting. To this day. I felt the shards of the words as they flew straight into my heart. Sinking in little by little. I still can't believe he said that to me.