Fury.

As a military wife, I am supposed to accept the crappy get togethers that are required of my husband. And for 8 and half years I have done just that. The other night, while in a foreign country, my husband was asked to go out. And as a military man, I know that they all are strong armed into going. I've known this for a long while. In his defense, he had been asked to go out before during the week, but he turned them down. It was a Friday night. And he had to go this time. Well, not had to.

The guys came over at a little before 8 pm. And starting the evening off this late, I did not expect him to come home early. Maybe 1, or 2. Well, as it turns out, I am left with the kids. Of course kids can't go to bars. And I take care of them, bathe them, and put them to bed. I cannot sleep well, as I know he is out. I finally did make it to sleep somewhere around midnight. And I slept. I didn't wake up again until my son was standing at my bedside asking where daddy was.

I told him to go back to sleep, because daddy would be home in a little while. After tucking him in, I checked the clock. It was 4 a.m. Yeah. That's good. I went to double check the time in some other place, just in case that clock was off. It was indeed that late. Being in a foreign country has some perks, but many disadvantages. One of which being that our home phone does not dial cell phones. I'm not kidding.

So I had to call the embassy and ask that they call his cell number for me. That's kind of embarrassing. Or at least it should be, to him. They logged my name and time that the call was made. And patched me through. My husband answered, so there was at least a sigh of relief for me that he was in fact OK. But then left the burning question, "What the fuck are you still doing out there?"

My blood pulsed quickly through my veins as I waited for some type of response. And some crappy ass excuse came out of his mouth about how he knew it was late and the guys were going to leave, but then didn't and how they were his ride and all. Basically just crap.

My husband made it home by 4:45 am. And he stunk. Like a bar, like cigarettes and beer. And then he climbed into bed with me and I cringed. He apologized repeatedly, but I really wasn't buying it. It was just wrong.

He told me that they went to a stripper bar, and some other bars too. Well, fucking fine and dandy. Did he need to go out and party for 8 hours? Was this the kind of person that he really wants to be? He never acts like this. Ever. So it's incredibly hard to stomach when he does.
And being at the mercy of other people because we don't have our car here yet, is totally unacceptable.

He kept apologizing. He got out of the bed to go and dry heave over the toilet. Serves him right.
It's totally not in his nature to be this callous and uncaring about his family. Because he leaves me at home at night to take care of them alone. And then the next day when he's sleeping because he was out looking at half naked women and drinking it up with his buddies from work, I am again supposed to take the kids and keep them quiet so he can sleep.

Can you even begin to imagine how irate I was? How much fury I felt towards this man? This man who never goes out with the guys, never gives me even one ounce of worry. When he goes off and then totally disregards us that way? Could you imagine if the shoe were on the other foot? What would he have done if I were out that late? Leaving him behind with the kids?
Yeah. That would NEVER happen.

I guess I'm still not really over this. This little incident occurred about 3 weeks ago. And still, even writing about it makes me sick. It makes me want to slap him just for being so disrespectful to us. But mostly to me. He knew better than to touch me that night. I think I would have ripped his whole fucking hand off.