The definition.

Selfless
having little or no concern for oneself, unselfish.

So last night I told spouse about my parents offering for me to come and stay with them. He asked if I told them that I hate it here. In fact, I did not. I just merely told them how much I miss it. And that it's weird.

So after he processed it, he said to me, "Don't go." Hmmm. The only thing he could think of in his head was for me to take an extended visit when 9 months from now, we will take our vacation back. 9 months from now, when we finally get to leave, I can take an extended stay. That's his solution.

Gee, that's rather selfless of him. Here I sit, worried about all the people in my life that would think badly of me, and most of all him. I worry how this would affect him. So yeah, I would probably stay here if he threw a fit or told me don't go, or stay. I would make the sacrifice, as I already have. I would continue doing so. Why couldn't he just say, "Honey, whatever makes you happy, is what I want." Why does he have to care about himself more?

I didn't tell him how I really feel. I'm still protecting him. At an expense. I can't stop thinking now about the things that I am letting slip by. I've thought recently about going back to school. But I can't. Not in this foreign country. But I didn't tell him that. Our lines of communication aren't the best. I worry too about his parents and how disappointed they would be in me. I cringe at the thought.

Yet, when I told him that, he didn't say anything. I guess because he knows it's true. They would be very sad, mad, or whatever.

Or better yet, why doesn't he try on a daily basis to talk to me more? Again, whatever.

My parents only made the offer yesterday. And I could totally see me going there to stay with them. I would feel insanely bad about leaving him here, but I could do it. I would feel worse about taking the children away for that length of time. But we would have family there, and best of all, I would be happy.

I don't know what to do. Especially since spouse is incredibly imperceptive. He won't bring this up again.

I'm just not sure I'm the type of person who was meant for this kind of assignment. I'm not so sure.